“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

- Homer Simpson

“Empathy is the single greatest relationship skill set a couple can master. It changes everything.”

Helping Couples, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott and Dr. David H.l Olseo

What makes you feel close to your spouse?

When do you feel close to your spouse?

How are you investing in your marriage?

What small, daily deposits are you making?

If your marriage was a 401K, how is it growing?

When you need perspective in a relationship or a challenging situation, what helps you?

Can you name someone outside of your family who had a positive impact in your life because they believed in you?

Who were they and how did they impact your life?

When a pastor was leaving the house in the morning, his wife said to him, “Let’s change it around today. How about being grumpy at church and kind at home.”

Being kind at home is not always easy.

What might you do or stop doing to raise your Kindness Quotient at home. If you are brave enough, get feedback.

What friend or family member are you always glad to hear from?

All couples have conflicts, even happy couples. John Gottman says that some couples are Masters at managing conflict and some are Disasters.

Below are 7 Winning Strategies I have identified that can help us become Masters.

In this book, The New Rules for Marriage, Terry Real identifies 5 Losing Strategies in conflict. I would add two others, 6 and 7.

How would you like your spouse to experience you?

Or

What kind of person do you aspire to be to your spouse?

Of all the household chores that need to be done, which ones do you appreciate when your spouse does them, especially without being asked?

What do you like to do for fun that includes your spouse?

Grouse, verb : to complain angrily.

Synonyms: beef, bellyache, carp, crab, fuss, gripe, grumble, groan.

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being rarely, 10 frequently, determine your Grousing Score in respect to your Ordinary Speech Around the House.

DO NOT SCORE YOUR SPOUSE, but if you are brave enough, share your score with them and get their feedback.

What would you like to be true in your marriage that might not be true now?

(Warning: Try to answer this without becoming critical of your spouse or marriage. Keep it safe, constructive and encouraging.)

What are some strengths you appreciate about your marriage?

(Not about your spouse. Your marriage.)

Two Conversations

1. Privately with yourself:

What could you do this year to enrich your marriage? (Sharing optional.)

2. Together:

What could you do together this year to enrich your marriage?

For ideas go to visit my latest article, Enrich Your Marriage.