Your Ordinary Speech

Grouse, verb : to complain angrily.
Synonyms: beef, bellyache, carp, crab, fuss, gripe, grumble, groan.

On a scale of 1-10, 1 being rarely, 10 frequently, determine your Grousing Score in respect to your Ordinary Speech Around the House.

DO NOT SCORE YOUR SPOUSE, but if you are brave enough, share your score with them and get their feedback.

This prompt comes from a personal realization on the last day of 2023, a Sunday. As Libby and I drove to church I was about to complain about something when it occurred to me that I had already complained about several things that morning. Little things, like where did my cup at my sink go? I have way too much to do next week, how messy our grandson’s room is, and where’s the jelly (subtext – in our Hide-and-Seek Refrigerator).

Suddenly the word ‘grousing’ occurred to me, which was surprising since I was not even sure what it meant. Whatever it meant, I felt like I was doing it. And Libby didn’t even throw a flag, which was kind of scary because it suggested that she was used to it. So, I walked into church with one prayer, “Good luck, God!”

Instead of trying to shame myself into a a better frame of mind, I became curious. What was I doing and what could I do about it? I began by mentally listing every part of my speech that had been a complaint that morning. Even though my complaints were about little things, there had already been five occasions of grousing. I next tried to identify what might be some bigger stresses behind my complaining. Then I decided to keep a Grousing Log for a day or two to notice my Ordinary Speech Around the House. Two lists: Voiced Complaints and Conceived/Unvoiced Complaints.

What did I discover?
1. It is easy to be bothered by a lot of little things, depending on how exacting you are or how much you prefer order over disorder.
2. It is ridiculous to take those irritants as personal insults, offenses against the way you know the world should work.
3. No one enjoys or deserves to be around a complaining person.
4. Every complaint usually has a positive and constructive action that can be taken. But it is much easier to complain than to take responsibility.
5. Giving my Ordinary Speech Around the House a description was an instant motivation to change it. Lack of awareness was 90% of the problem, so paying attention became the solution. Awareness is like a new filter installed in our mind and heart.

“Okay, Libby, what do you think about what I’ve just said? Is my Grousing Score going down?”

“Yes,” she begins.

“And your tone of voice is much more positive and upbeat.”

“Upbeat,” I think. That’s better than I was expecting.

“And you don’t react with a wife-eyed, frustrated face, like when we were talking about finances this morning. “
(I’m not sure I believe her about that one. I suspect that she is ‘working the ref’ to get a favorable call when we review our spending.) But a better Grousing Score means that we both enjoy me better. And I’ll take that.

What’s your Grousing Score? Is your Ordinary Speech Around the House sweet or sour?

(Forward this to your favorite Grouse.)