Perspective

When you need perspective in a relationship or a challenging situation, what helps you?

Libby came up with this prompt as she was reflecting about how new insights had changed her perspective on a certain situation. When relationships or issues threaten us, make us afraid, angry, make us resentful or make us withdraw, then we need a new perspective. Without it we will react and do damage to others and
to ourselves.

Libby remembered a situation when she was betrayed and then rejected by a close friend. “I was devastated,” she said “I had to give it some time, step back and pay attention to the pain.”

As she paid attention, she noticed that other friendships, unrelated to her situation stepped up and grew deeper. She was able to accept what had happened without bitterness or unhelpful self-criticism.

Personally, I find it hard to step back from painful circumstances. When ‘fight or flight’ is triggered, I opt for the fight, believing that I can fix whatever the challenge is. It is never wisdom that drives that reaction. Fear and insecurity are behind it.

I am learning to gain new perspective by first being more aware of my initial reaction. I can step back and become curious instead of threatened. I am trying to replace the immediate, “What?!!!” that goes off in my mind, with a calmer, “Hmm . . . . what’s going on here?”

Also, I may journal about it to make myself more of an objective observer. And then I will talk to someone about it, starting with Libby, whether she is involved or not. If I’m still feeling a lot of self-protective heat I am probably not ready to re-engage the situation.

Oh yeah, without trying too sound too spiritual, I do talk with God about it, resisting an attempt to get God to support my side, wanting to be brave enough to get God’s point of view.

All I know is that a new perspective puts the Love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 into action. So far, no one has ever complained about that.

What helps you gain perspective when you need it?