7 Winning Strategies
All couples have conflicts, even happy couples. John Gottman says that some couples are Masters at managing conflict and some are Disasters.
Below are 7 Winning Strategies I have identified that can help us become Masters.
Don’t react. Respond instead by stepping back mentally.
Know and manage your triggers.
Make understanding your goal by listening, listening, listening.
Be curious instead of critical.
Be for them.
Control your temperature.
Be safe for them.
Which of these is easiest for you?
Which is hardest?
What might be one that your spouse does well which really helps the situation?
If the need to be right is one of your primary losing strategies in conflict, then it is hard not to react when conflict occurs. The competition is on. So, it is hard for me not to react.
“Yes,” Libby says. “And I think that you might know your triggers but you barrel right through t hem,” she adds.
“But what do I do when our conflict goes well.”
“Conflict is always bad,” she protests.
“Remember, that’ a myth,” I say. “There are plenty of times when we have differences but resolve them well.”
“Oh, yeah,” she says. “Like this morning when I put the broadcast spreader on the wrong setting when you fertilized the yard since you couldn’t see it. You didn’t even get mad, even though you had to do the yard again.”
“And often you do listen well,” she adds.
“I appreciate that you rarely react when we have a disagreement,” I say. “And I know that you are usually for me.”
And we are both learning to be more curious about what might be going on with each other, and even what might be going on with ourselves.
Which strategy works well for you?
Which strategy would you like in?
