Write down 3-7 responses to the following questions.

1. What would you like to be true of your marriage? You may include things that are already true.

2. What would you like to be true of yourself in your marriage?

Do you like to read? If so, what do you like to read and why? For entertainment, inspiration, spiritual growth, getting unplugged, learning? Perhaps you do not like to read, thinking that reading is for lazy people who aren’t getting things done. Or perhaps your job requires so much reading that you can’t stand to read otherwise. Or maybe you mostly listen to podcasts.

Regardless, what did you read or listen to this summer that entertained you, inspired you or helped you grow?

What would you recommend?

(Reply to this email with your response.)

What did you enjoy about going back to school when you were 6-10?

What might have made you a little anxious?

Do you still find some inspiration in the start of a new school year regardless of how long it’s been since you were in school?

Author and speaker, Jon Acuff says that he and his wife, Jenny make it a point to spend time with couples who like each other rather than those who don’t. They are inspired by the affection, playfulness and mutual support of such couples.

Do you spend time with couples who inspire you?

Who are they and how do they inspire you?

(Beware of the isolation caused by a busy life or the social inertia that makes you your only company. That kind of isolation puts too much weight on your relationship.)

Endearing: inspiring feelings of affection or admiration.

Name a characteristic you find endearing about your spouse.

“Although they still live together, they are leading lonely lives. They have become like ghosts, haunting the marriage that once made them feel so alive.”

(John Gottman’s observation after a counseling session with a couple. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, page 31.)

What makes you feel alive in your marriage?

How do you handle the Dog Days of Summer?

What positive things do you do as a couple?

(Background: While in Costa Rica two weeks ago, Mark broke his foot and is on crutches or a scooter for eight weeks. Libby suggested this conversation and

prompt.)

What do you learn about yourself and your relationship when one of you is injured, sick, or recovering from a health event?

What are some things that you appreciate in your life right now? Perhaps ways you feel blessed?

What are some concerns you might have?

One of the best things you can do for your spouse is to manage well your own stress. If you ignore it it will spill into your interactions and it is unfair to expect your spouse to constantly adjust to your unmanaged stress.

How well do you manage your stress?

“Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.”

- Homer Simpson

“Empathy is the single greatest relationship skill set a couple can master. It changes everything.”

Helping Couples, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott and Dr. David H.l Olseo

What makes you feel close to your spouse?

When do you feel close to your spouse?

How are you investing in your marriage?

What small, daily deposits are you making?

If your marriage was a 401K, how is it growing?

When you need perspective in a relationship or a challenging situation, what helps you?

Can you name someone outside of your family who had a positive impact in your life because they believed in you?

Who were they and how did they impact your life?

When a pastor was leaving the house in the morning, his wife said to him, “Let’s change it around today. How about being grumpy at church and kind at home.”

Being kind at home is not always easy.

What might you do or stop doing to raise your Kindness Quotient at home. If you are brave enough, get feedback.

What friend or family member are you always glad to hear from?

All couples have conflicts, even happy couples. John Gottman says that some couples are Masters at managing conflict and some are Disasters.

Below are 7 Winning Strategies I have identified that can help us become Masters.

In this book, The New Rules for Marriage, Terry Real identifies 5 Losing Strategies in conflict. I would add two others, 6 and 7.