Alive in Your Marriage
“Although they still live together, they are leading lonely lives. They have become like ghosts, haunting the marriage that once made them feel so alive.”
(John Gottman’s observation after a counseling session with a couple. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, page 31.)
What makes you feel alive in your marriage?
Our Experience
“You go first since you thought it up,” Libby said.
“Well, hmm . . . . Physical intimacy certainly makes me feel alive.”
“But, also doing things together like taking walks, listening to books, being able to share whatever is on my mind.”
“And enjoying friends together,” I added.
“What about you?”
“Seeing you play with the grandkids and hearing you talk on the phone with our kids when there is no agenda,” she said.
“That’s about others. What about us?”
“Well, you know my love language is Acts of Service, right?”
“Yes.”
“Well, since you broke your foot, you have not been able to do much, and I’m starving.”
(We both laugh, but I suspect that my laugh is a little fake.)
“When I feel taken care of, like when you stayed in the hospital every night with me, and you never left me.”
(Recently, Libby had a heart issue that required five days and nights in the hospital. I have to admit that I was surprised by how much my staying with her meant to
her. She thought it was heroic, but it was easy because I could not imagine being anywhere else. The issue was later resolved by an ablation, thankfully.)
The nice thing about a Good Conversation is that you never know where it might go. And when we talk like friends, it is safe enough to share whatever is needed.
The quote and prompt inspired us to have a later conversation about what we can do to grow the vitality of our marriage. We can be more purposeful.
What makes you feel alive in your marriage?
