A Conversation with Yourself

“I read your emails every week and feel miserable. There’s no way I could have any of these conversations in my marriage,” a person said to me over the phone a couple of weeks ago.

Here’s the chance to learn something, I thought.

Married for many years, he and his wife had been dealing with some painful memories that drove him to therapy and her to emotional withdrawal.

Many couples get disconnected because of long-term disappointment, frustration, anger and unresolved conflict. They begin to think the worst of each other, but they are still married.

They are not friends.

To protect themselves they have withdrawn, perhaps have become numb, or have become engaged in areas of life that are not so painful.

Christmas can make it worse, because it is supposed to be “the most wonderful time of the year.”

How can it be?

What do you do if you and your spouse are no longer friends?

You have a conversation with the only person you can possibly change.

Yourself.

A prompt for a conversation with yourself:
How can I be the kindest, most compassionate person my spouse knows – given these circumstances?

Sure, you’re probably convinced that there is no way to love your spouse well because of who they are.

Think again. The only person stopping you from loving your spouse well is you!

“But we’re stuck. We should have never gotten married in the first place. No one should be this unhappy”

Perhaps.

But what would happen if you stopped thinking of your spouse as your spouse and just thought of them as a person? What if you thought of them as a stranger to whom you wanted to be kind and compassionate? With no expectations or agendas.

Nothing but their welfare in mind.

Unconditional love is irresistible. The hardest, coldest heart can be thawed if the love is real.

In your current circumstances how can you be kinder and more compassionate?

Love covers a multitude of sins.

Try it.