Generous Spirit

How generous is your spirit and attitude towards your spouse?

Our Experience

“I know you don’t like it when . . . ,”is how Libby started a statement about something so minor I cannot even recall it.

But it got me wondering. How often is she doing that kind of calculation?

Perhaps it shows that she is just that dedicated to “serving me.”

But is it more likely that she wants to avoid irritating me? (It is always a risk to actually tune into your spouse, because when you do you have to ask questions like this. Neglect is always easier.)

When couples have conflict and get sideways with each other, they lose the capacity and the will to be generous in attitude toward each other. The exact opposite happens. They begin to see the other as “the problem,” and suddenly everything begins to prove that perspective.

“Libby, are there a lot of times you have to be careful not irritate me? I dare to ask.

“Not so much,” she replies.

“You’ve stopped criticizing my parking, for example.”

(The truth is that she is too small for the Kia Telluride she drives, making it hard for her to see over the hood, especially on the right front. She has gotten better. I don’t think that I will tell her that she takes right turns too widely.)

“And I know that you are relieved when I don’t bother you,” she adds.

“Bother me? What do you think you do that bothers me? Like talk to me?”

“Yeah, like when you are doing something and I interrupt you.

“You don’t get mad,” she adds.

“You just seem a little bothered.”

I’m actually working on my new 7-Step Interruption Habit.
Step 1: Totally stop what I’m doing.
Step 2: Turn my head in her direction.
Step 3: Square my shoulders to hers.
Step 4: Smile.
Step 5: Kindly, say, “Yes?”
Step 6: Listen to her words, body language and feelings.
Step 7: Remain still until she is satisfied.

Whew!

How generous are you toward your spouse?