Why Confident People Love Better
One of the most well-respected and widely used relationship assessments in the world is Prepare and Enrich. With over 35 years of ongoing research and more than 4 million couples participating it understands the factors that build strong, satisfying and enduring marriages. One of the dynamics it identifies and measures is the self-confidence of each person. A confident person is better equipped to love than a person who lacks confidence.
Why is that?
A Confident Person is less self-consumed. When we lack confidence we are less sure about ourselves and must be more engaged in monitoring how we are doing. We ae more self-conscious because we have to do more to prove our worth.
A Confident Person is less stressed. It requires a lot of emotional energy to always be determining whether we are enough. And even asking the question gives us our answer. “No!”
A Confident Person is generous in their love. When we lack confidence we ae almost always working from a sense of deficit. We need too much to be able to give ourselves away.
A Confident Person demands less in a relationship. Anytime we have to out-source our sense of confidence and well-being we put a burden on our marriage. Sure, some marriages have been born and established on this kind of dependence and it may seem to be working, but it will become a one-sided marriage that will be at risk long-term.
A Confident Person has more fun. Have you ever noticed how confident people bring a light-heartedness to the environment? Not a silliness or a denial of struggle, but a perspective that reduces the pressure around them. When we lack confidence, everything matters too much. We cannot relax. Perfectionism keeps the tension high.
More can be said about the qualities of Confident People, but the question is, “Can a person grow their confidence?” Are we stuck with the Confidence Quotient that was set in our childhood?
Absolutely not!
Confidence is not something like height or speed. It’s more like a muscle or an attitude that can be grown and developed with intent, vision and action.
How do we grow our confidence? That will be the subject of another article.
*If you would like to take the Prepare and Enrich Assessment, contact me. I am a certified facilitator and have used it with many couples.
